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The map of life

As I'm writing these lines snowflakes are falling from the sky and cover our village (not for the first time this season) in a white, frosty blanket. The cycle is closing. I arrived in winter of last year and I have now experienced all seasons once. What's coming next isn't new anymore, but not less exciting.

One year ago I started a journey by publishing the first post on my little blog. I had no idea where "crappa e plema" would lead me to, I just knew that I wanted to tell and share my story, stories from my life. That I had to explore my creativity, find my way with it and that I had always liked writing. And so I started on this path I'm still on. I still don't know where it will go and what the stones and feathers of my life will bring, but that I would arrive here was not even considered. I'm not only speaking of this place - although I hadn't really known that I would move to the mountains either -, but also of this current point on the map of my life.

I quit my job as a teacher thinking that I wanted to dedicate more space and time to my passions and to just see what would evolve from it. I thought of doing it for one year. One year, in which I would have the time to figure out my new profession. (Isn't it remarkable how much we identify ourselves with our jobs? And yet most people are pretty unhappy doing what they do and only seem to live for the weekends and the holidays. That makes me think and also a bit sad. But I'm rambling...) I didn't find the ONE job this year, but so many things that I want to do, which is also the reason why I don't really know what to answer when asked about my profession. What I do know, though, is that I have learned to trust and to follow the path that lets my heart beat louder. I pursued several of my dreams this year and "crappa e plema" definitely is one of them. I got a taste of self-employment and have to say that I wouldn't want it any other way. It means freedom to me that I am able to structure my own day, to dedicate myself to a different project every month and oftentimes not knowing what the next few weeks will look like. Never have I imagined that I would actually enjoy a life like this. The dream has been here for a long time, but the fear was always bigger.

Sometimes I imagine that I was speaking to my twenty-year-old self. What would she think about her thirty-year-old version? I believe that she would consider me crazy as she was filled with doubt, but secretly she hoped to break free at some point in her life. Maybe she would think I was kidding as she had never seen herself as an adventurous person, but secretly she wished for the courage to live her life the way she wanted to. Maybe she would listen with astonishment as she was already dreaming of a life like this and secretly she already knew, deep deep down, that she would do it someday.

I tell my twenty-year-old self what her life will look like in ten years and that she mustn't worry. That she is allowed to dream big and to truly believe that she will make her boldest visions come true. That I wouldn't be here without her. Because "crappa e plema" and everything that came with it was already there, growing as a tiny little seed in the twenty-year-old Silvana. Obviously she imagined it differently, but its core was the same: living a free life and doing what I love.

Connecting with this past version of myself is a wonderful and healing tool for me. It led me to suspect that my forty-year-old self is also constantly talking to me, encouraging me to continue on this path, so that in ten years I would arrive at the point on the map of life she is visiting me from.

I have discovered my life again during this year. After a really difficult and dark time it feels like I could finally breathe deeply and literally fill my lungs with the freshest mountain air again. Each day is different and I'm daily looking forward to everything they will bring, to all that I don't know and don't have to know yet. I'm sure that my future self is watching me and secretly, with a twinkle in her eye, thinks to herself: how far I've already come.


This video is not directly a continuation of this text, but I'd love to take you along on a walk in the golden forest, a bath in the icy stream and I'll leave you with a preview on what the images will look like the next few winter months. =)


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