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letting go and arriving

I strap on my snow shoes and take the first few steps. My path leads uphill. What else? I'm now living in the mountains!

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Stop. Breathe. A few steps further.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Another stop. I fill my lungs with air.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

The last step for now. First milestone reached.

I turn around and laugh out loud. The picture that unfolds beneath me is almost ridiculously beautiful. The sky is painted a deep blue, a blue only the mountains can create. The sun shines in my face and makes me sweat. The valley with its numerous fir trees and the snowy mountain peaks stretches out in front of me. Only from afar can I hear the silent humming of the street that runs through the valley. The white blanket of snow is embellished by rabbit tracks and now also my snow-shoe-footprints form a zigzag line. I love it, I love it, I love it.

The breathtaking view from above the village.

Even though I don't really like hiking per se, it still is non-negotiable for me because it rewards me with these wonderful moments of bliss. Of course my "I hate it"-mantra isn't my favorite one, nonetheless it doesn't leave any space for other thoughts in my head. It is meditative and I hope that my inner monologue will change when I do it often enough.

One of my intentions for this new year is to go outside and breathe fresh air every day. The premises are perfect now that I live in the Alps. But on my first days here in Stierva all I want to do is lie on the sofa and watch Netflix. I'm exhausted. I knew that moving would be strenuous, but I totally underestimated the emotional side of it. Every thing that I put into boxes over the course of these past weeks also triggered something in me. Everything I gifted, donated or threw away, I had to let go of first. Although my apartment hadn't really been mine for quite some time, it was still hard to close the door behind the empty rooms. So many memories that now will only be conjured up by photos and mental pictures.

One thought in particular surprised me during this time: I'm doing all of this alone.

Don't get me wrong, I obviously didn't move by myself. I had enormous support from my family and friends. Whether it was organizing, driving, carrying boxes or encouraging me, I was helped and that I'm so grateful for. No idea how I can ever make this up to everyone!

What I mean by "I'm doing this alone" is that ever since this dream, that I'm now living, formed some years ago, I thought I would never make this step being single, but that I had to be in a relationship in order to pursue it. I thought that I would need the support of another person, because I wouldn't be able to move to the countryside alone. And to be honest whilst sitting in my flat between all the boxes I did wish for someone to share this experience with, for someone to make decisions together. But I did it alone. And I am proud of that because I took this leap of faith and made myself very, very happy.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot (just kidding, as if I could forget this day): Of course the weekend I moved brought so much snow that basically the whole of Switzerland drowned in it. My reservation for the moving van got cancelled because of that and obviously my designated parking spot was already taken. But that's another story. In the end everything turned out fine and I moved into my ancestor's hunting house. Now the time has come to fully arrive here. =)

Looking out of my bedroom window on my first morning in the hunting house.

January 23rd, 2021


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