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On being alone

Dear reader

I'd like to invite you to a little thought experiment. Take a moment of quietness and read the following questions. Answer them without considering them too much. What comes to mind spontaneously?

  • What does being alone mean to you?

  • In your opinion, how is being alone valued in our society?

  • When did you last feel alone?

  • When did you last feel lonely?

  • Is there a difference for you between being alone and being lonely?

  • Do you know people who are alone?

  • How do these people seem to be doing?


I'm writing this post as someone who knows aloneness very well. Over the past decade I observed it from all sides, got to know many facets, shades and tones and got to a point where I learned to appreciate aloneness deeply. I'd even say that we became very good friends. Because I realized that it gives me something that sociability can't and because I now know that being alone actually doesn't mean "to be without someone", but "to be with myself".

Of course this wasn't always the case. For a long time I wasn't aware of our society being designed for extroverts. That it is expected from a twenty-something to go out, to party, to get to know many new people and to experience many new adventures with them, to share your life with a partner, to not be single for more than one year and on no account spend a Friday night alone. But that it isn't acceptable in our society to actually like being alone, to just have a few people in your life, to choose consciously to be single, to not want children... I just took all of that for granted, saw it as THE truth.

By moving to the mountains I realized again, that I really like it. Being alone. It's not an issue for me to spend my days by myself. On the contrary, too much socializing exhausts me and I recognized that I belong to the introverted kind.

I think it's completely wrong to assume that introverts don't want other people in their lives. Spending time with human beings, my friends, my family is wonderful for me and they're a big part of the reason I don't feel lonely here. But to recharge, to be creative, to contemplate, I do need space. And time to myself.

I'm a thirty year old woman. I have been living alone for years and now remotely in a mountain village. I'm not in a relationship with another human and I don't want children. I'm happy and I choose to live this exact life every day. Thereby I fall through several social structures and I wish I would have gotten to read lines like these in times I really felt alone. Lines that would have shown me that it's ok how I feel. That would have encouraged me to enjoy my own company and being alone. That would have let me know that everything I am looking for, is already here. That I am the person I had wished for, because in my book it's so important to be able to be your own best friend.

With my new video I'd like to show that being alone can be something beautiful and I'd love to invite you to get in touch with your aloneness. When you break up with all of these guidelines society wants us to follow, something liberating, inspiring surfaces.

Let me know what you think about being alone. What experiences have you made with aloness?




Summery Nectarine Tartes

You need:

  • 1 pack of rectangular puff pastry

  • 6 Tbsp ground almonds

  • 3 nectarines (or peaches)

  • 4 Tbsp coconut oil, liquid

  • 1/2 lemon, peel and juice

  • 1 Tbsp maple sirup

  • 1 Tsp vanilla paste (or vanilla sugar)


  1. Take the puff pastry out of the fridge about 15 min. before you start.

  2. Cut the nectarines in half and each half into fine slices.

  3. Divide the puff pastry into 6 squares and sprinkle each part with one tablespoon of ground almonds. Spare about 1 cm on each side.

  4. Spread out the nectarine slices on the pastry and wrap the sides around them.

  5. Mix the liquid coconut oil with the maple sirup, the vanilla paste, the grated lemon peel and the lemon juice (leave about 1 to 2 Tbsp) and pour the mixture evenly over the 6 nectarine halves.

  6. Pre-heat the oven to 200 °C and bake the nectarine tartes in the bottom half of the oven for about 18 minutes.

  7. Take them out and let them cool for a bit.


8. Heat 4 Tbsp of jam and 1 to 2 Tbsp of lemon juice in a small pan. Mix well!

9. Spread this mixture over the tartes.

(Recipe is inspired by this one here.)

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